Code

Sometimes, it's 831

Sometimes, it's 2468264

Sometimes, it's XRW

Sometimes, it's Shitto

Sometimes, it's Emong

Sometimes, it's *#!

Sometimes, you can simply read those as LOVE

Unwritten

Ada hal-hal yang tidak bisa diungkapkan dalam surat singkat yang ditulis dalam perjalanan Kemang-Ragunan. So, i'll write it here.

First of all, it's our Pandora, not ours Pandora. Second, i don't really remember about our first meeting. All i could remember is i say my name and you say "halo, my name is ....". Then you added my MSN. Terus lanjut ke bbm. I never ever feel 'connected' to someone, but now, i feel it.

After these almost-3-months-journey. After sushi to mcd to sop kaki to pizza hut. After ice skating to nyasar ke klender to bsd. After how to train your dragon to shrek 3 to PoP. After 18 white roses and 3 cupcakes. We came to the end.

You're not my friend neither my boyfriend. You are my PARTNER. And, having a partner like you is beyond my expectation. I call it beautiful. You can always make me smile and laugh. You are my mood booster every time i'm feeling down

One reason why i don't wanna be you girl is because i don't wanna be your ex. You are the best partner i ever had (because i only have one) and i don't wanna lose you with two simple words, BREAK UP. I've done my best. I don't even whining about our status. then, it's just doesn't makes sense when you said "please don't give up until the time we no longer have to lie about us", then six days later, you said "let's not meet each other".

do you remember when i said that i'll be here every time you need me and you don't have to face your problems alone? Admit it, i'm the one who can make you feel comfort and safe. And now, i need you to be the one who will say those sentences "don't worry. I'm here if you need me and you don't have to face it alone".

I'm asking nothing but my partner. i don't want you to be my bf or something like "in a relationship with ....". All i need is MY PARTNER. The one who can make me smile and laugh. The one who will listen to my "story of the day". The one who shares his feeling and story to me. The one who would share a cup of jcool with me.

Once again, i'm asking for nothing. I never ask you to break up with you girl friend. NEVER. So, is that all? really? Is it that easy to end it all? After almost-3-months we fight for something that we have. After all of our memories and secrets.

Well, i've said thank you and sorry for hundred times. But, i just can't believe it. I never ask something more than what we have. Because i really know that i have what i want in my hand, when i hold you.

So, that's all. now, what do you want?

Renungan Di Bawah Shower: what so called reality

Hey, it's been a long long time since my last post. Kali ini gua tergerak untuk menulis lagi setelah membaca blog milik Time, sahabat gua.

Hari ini gua mempunyai lumayan banyak waktu luang sebelum berangkat beraktifitas. Then, gua putuskan waktu luang itu akan gua pergunakan untuk MERENUNG DI BAWAH SHOWER. Maka, tanpa berlama-lama, pagi tadi gua mengambil handuk dan siap merenungi hidup di bawah guyuran air dari shower.

Ada satu quote yang menggugah gua. Bunyinya "in real life, people judge you from your actions without knowing the reason behind it". Ya! And that soooo damn right. Kebanyakan dari kita bisa dengan mudahnya menilai orang yang tidak melakukan hal-hal yang sesuai dengan rules masyarakat sebagai orang yang salah, tanpa mempertimbangkan alasan si orang itu melakukan perbuatan tersebut. Ya, kebanyakan orang, termasuk gua.

Tapi, bisakah kita menilai sesuatu itu salah kalau kita tidak pernah merasakan sendiri apa yang namanya "salah". Berkaca dari pengalaman sebelumnya, gua dengan mudahnya menyalahkan pihak ketiga dalam hidup gua tanpa benar-benar berpikir apa alasan dibalik dia bisa menjadi pihak ketiga. Dan, gua terlalu sibuk mengasihani diri sendiri dan terus-terusan menumpuk marah dalam diri gua.

Suatu hari, gua berdoa pada Tuhan. "Tuhan, saya tidak mau menjadi seorang pembenci. Saya tidak mau benci pada dia dan dia". Maka, Tuhan menjawab doa gua sekarang dengan cara yang amat sangat diluar dugaan. Tuhan menjadikan gua ada di posisi dia. Awalnya gua berpikir "hey, apa-apaan ini? dan kenapa harus gua? kenapa gua harus ada di posisi ini?"

Dan sekarang, setelah gua merenung di bawah shower gua menemukan jawabannya. Tuhan mencoba membuat gua bisa melihat suatu hal dari sisi yang lain, bukan hanya dari sudut pandang gua. Tuhan mencoba memperlihatkan hal yang selama ini gua anggap salah. Setelah ada diposisi ini gua baru tau, memang ternyata tidak mudah untuk mencoba keluar. Tapi dua hal baik yang gua dapat adalah gua sudah bisa memaafkan dia dan pelajaran untuk menilai sesuatu tidak hanya dari sudut pandang kita.